Well, it’s taken forever, but the resident carnies, clowns and magicians in the Greatest Show on Earth also known as our national government have finally agreed on something that actually benefits each and every one of us: The No-Call List. God Bless America! In light of this momentous achievement, I would like to propose a radical idea that will change the face of one night stands and awkward random sex forever. I’m talking about the National Playas No Call List. For a minimal sign-up fee, hook up artists will have the freedom to make as many of those necessary promises needed (“What?! This is NOT just a one night thing. I really feel something here. I promise we’re getting together again”) to “advance the runner” home before the night is over. Profess your love, enter her number into your cell phone, and most important, give her every single phone number you have (work, cell, home) – always the clincher in these situations. Even call one of your own numbers to prove they’re not random. Then sit back, relax and enjoy the comforts of anonymous, random ugly-bumping. When you’re done and done, send her number to the NPNCL and you’re home free. But please don’t be an idiot – use a condom.

Street Hawk Lives: Check him out.