1. Sammy Hagar is back, baby. And it's not a Van Halen tour without stops in New Jersey AND Fresno. (I'll be at Continental Airlines Arena gripping a bottle of Cabo Wabo. Meantime, somebody's gotta fill up that brand-new Save Mart Center. Lord knows the basketball teams couldn't do it this season.)

Useless fact: Portions of Van Halen's "Right Here, Right Now" live album were recorded at Selland Arena.
Nominee for worst song lyric: "Only time will tell if we stand the test of time."

2. Some newer music you might enjoy, this time from New York: The Secret Machines. They play Bowery in April. I do hope to be there, considering I apparently have jumped on the Muse bandwagon a bit too late. I'm picking up both albums this weekend.

3. If they don't buy "It's not a pick! It's a scratch!" just tell them nose-picking is tasty and healthy.

4. My favorite Bush slogan: Steady Horsemen for the Apocalypse

5. "No mansion for me, I say f**k it." A sweet lesson in balancing career and family, courtesy Trashman on "Chappelle's Show." (Click on the "Kneehigh Park" clip.)

6. A very special person (who will go unnamed) has permanently lodged the Hooters restaurant radio jingle in my brain. I hope she knows that creepy shit goes on at those establishments.

Endquote: A 1999 interview with the great Fresno poet Philip Levine. Just for the hell of it. I once saw him speak in college and he officially pronounced that no person can make fun of Fresno until they live there first. (See below.)