We feel dirty reading the exclusive NY Post excerpts from "Baywatch" cad Michael Bergin's new book on his alleged affair with Carolyn Bessette, "The Other Man: How I Rogered JFK Jr.'s Wife and Scored This Neat Book Deal." But today's salacious installment was the capper, as Bergin details his teary showdown with Bessette after he REFUSED TO GO TO FRESNO with her for a friend's mother's funeral. Get this:

Bergin: "Fresno? … I wish I had known that earlier. I have a round-trip ticket, and I can't change it."
Bessette: "You have to come to Fresno … Give me your ticket. Change it. I'll pay for it."
Bergin: "I can't. I have to get back to L.A. for a guest spot on 'Access Hollywood.'"

Ah, the old "I have to be on 'Access Hollywood'" excuse. At least we now know this: Some view traveling to Fresno as a sin worse than adultery.

The rest of your world today:

1. For all you Drillers out there, Amy Langfield has a great bunch of Bakersfield hrefs, including the NYT's recent travel piece on the town (otherwise known as "Don't Miss the Panama Lane Exit Cuz the Next In-N-Out is in Santa Clarita.") And while you're at it, go rent "Best of Times." It's a classic.

2. Axl Rose, for once, is not responsible for a show cancellation. He blames Buckethead. (Gawker)

3. It's PREENCESSS! Trey Parker and Matt Stone are sick, sick geniuses. Back in the heady dot-com days, we remember writing about Shockwave shelving the premiere of its animated Web series created by the "South Park" guys. Now we know why. Trio is airing a hilarious new documentary on "Princess," the never-before-seen cartoon about a lovable shih-tzu who happens to always be around while disgusting sex acts are taking place.

The episodes are now showing on Trio's site. (Warning: Not even remotely safe for children ... or anyone, really. I couldn't even make it through Episode Two.)

4. PRINCE, meanwhile, has kicked off his Musicology tour. But never challenge him to a game of basketball. "In yo face, Charlie Murphy!" (Chappelle's Show)

5. Britney One-Night Stand? Judging by the accompanying photos (not to mention the history of journalistic integrity demonstrated by Britain's News of the World), we're inclined to believe this asshat's claim that he hooked up with Britney. But let's take a look at this quote:

"Funnily enough, I'd never really fancied Britney Spears before -- but in a situation like this, it was a lot different."

Note to News of the World: If you're gonna fabricate a quote from a California guy, don't insert poofy British colloquialisms.