1. Well now...he has returned. Taking his sweet-ass time I know, but he is truly sorry. The "he" to which I'm referring isn't the handsome and talented 559 por VIDA (although he truly missed you, too), but the man who brought us "Gett Off" and "Erotic City," then tossed them in the closet in lieu of his newfound witnessing of the great rockshow of Jehovah, and still managed to drop "Musicology" -- the album which answers the age-old question, "would the universe explode if Prince ever sang with Earth, Wind, and Fire?" Well ... the answer is no, but it sure did kick some ass. Prince has reinvented himself and I suggest going to see him as soon as possible, but don't wait for him to come knocking on your door with a stroller full of bags of sugar ... by then, the funk will be dead.

2. Warning: Random cavity searches and Federal Waterpark Marshalls at Clovis Lakes ... summertime is the right time for terror. Remember the sunscreen!

3. The following is a FRESYES EXCLUSIVE excerpt from dialogue between the National Football League and an imaginary representative of common social decency and responsibility:

Social Decency: Hello NFL
NFL: Howdy
SD: I couldn't help but notice some less than appropriate comments made by Bill Parcells, coach of the Dallas Cowboys this week in the pr...
NFL: Yep, Coach Parcells, one of the greats...The TUNA they call him, he's lookin' to return the Lombardi Trophy to Dallas this year, watch all season on FOX...Terry, Howie, JB...what a HOOT!
SD: Yes, that's great, but the comments he made...you've heard right? The racist comme...
NFL: Hold it right there little fella, this here's the N-F-L, in the great state of Texas ... and I'll have you know that we don't believe in racism
SD: Well, yes, you've made that abundantly clear, but don't you think that the NFL is responsible for making a disciplinary statement on behalf of its players and fans to ensure that this type of behavior doesn't happen again?
NFL: Huh? Wait ... what? Sorry (common social decency and responsibility), I wasn't paying attention, what was that again?
SD: Nevermind.

4. Okay President Reagan, we understand that you're dead and all, but the $10 bill? Let's see...a lousy western actor turned not-as-good-as-everyone-thought-he-was politician ... is it just me, or do the rest of you think that Alan Autry should be on the nickel?

5. Job shortage?? HOGWASH!! The Iraqi Governing Council wants YOU.

See y'all at the cyanide pool party 2004!

-559 por VIDA