(Editor's note: Our favorite -- and by "favorite" we mean "only" -- contributor 559 sent us this posting, which was scrawled in blood on a piece of Courtney Love's personal stationery and wadded up on our doorstep.)

Welcome back Fresyes. Hey, everyone needs a little time off now and then ... especially after the Governor and I got served by Federline's G-boys for breaking his True Hollywood Story before he could sell it to E! You'll never intimidate us Federline, even with that wicked box step and pop & lock!

Next up: Lakers. Who's to blame? Shaq? Kobe? Phil? Well, it's easy. Who else can you blame but the king pedarast himself, owner Jerry Buss (also known as actor Frank Morgan, the guy in the Wizard of Oz who answers the door of the Emerald City and says "now that's a horse of a different color!"). It was Buss who let Jerry West, the best GM in the history of the game, walk right out the door and into the welcoming arms of the Memphis Grizzlies. You'll remember West as the man responsible for revitalizing the Los Angeles Lakers by acquiring Phil, Shaq and Kobe, subsequently building a dynasty. What would be different about the Lakers today if West had stayed? Well, it's hard to say, but in my mind it'd be kinda like the opening credits of "Three's Company" with Phil, Shaq, and Kobe playing the parts of Janet, Crissy and Jack.

So news hit the wire over the weekend that Britney has decided to not have beau Federline sign a pre-nuptial agreement. Is it just me or is Kevin Federline in the employ of Dr. Evil? Excerpt from dialogue overheard (in my head):

Dr. Evil: Excellent work No. 2, you have succeeded once again.
Federline: My pleasure, Dr. Evil.
DE: You've not only successfully convinced the world's most powerful pop diva to marry your sorry ass, but have fed her retard pills as well.
F: Just as you commanded, sir.

Now, the "Best Week Ever" writers have named Federline the Man with the $50 million Penis.