We nearly made it to Fresno last week, but these cows totally cut us off on the way out of Stanislaus National Forest. In truth, we were too busy sucking down scotch and lounging on a floatie in the middle of Twain Harte Lake to travel to the Great Central Valley -- and it's a damn shame, because we wanted to attend the law-enforcement-friendly Fresno Famous Festival, which kicked off over the weekend.

Alas, we're back in New York and playing catch-up:

1. Weezie has died. Helen is organizing memorial services this weekend at the Help Center.

2. Getting dumped for a Fresnan was apparently the last straw: Britney's ex-husband, Jason Alexander, grants an "exclusive interview" with Britain's News of the World, spilling his guts about their passionate romp in Vegas. But Stereogum and others quickly point out that no dude from Kentwood, Louisiana, would ever use the word "gobsmacked" in a sentence. The tabloid even quotes Britney's ex using the bleeped-out word "a***," which we can only presume means "arse." (As in, she had a beautiful "arse," and Britney's handlers can take their hush money and shove it up their "arse.")

3. The NYT's Jon Pareles isn't the first guy I've heard describe Rufus Wainwright's music as "precious." But that's his take on a track from the new iTunes exclusive EP, "Waiting for a Want." Our thoughts: The four-song collection is not so memorable on first listen, but it'll hold us over until Tuesday's Central Park show -- and until "Want Two" ever finds its way onto record store shelves.

4. Finally, the Governor's parents submit this belated, paraphrased report from Simon & Garfunkel at the Save Mart Center: "Dear Governor, the show was outstanding. They played all the hits, and at one point their opening act, the Everly Brothers, came out and joined them to perform 'Bye Bye Love.'" Obviously, the Governor's parents were sitting nowhere near this craigslist poster, who chastises the drunk people behind him/her for slurring throughout the entire $80+ concert. Or maybe that WAS the Governor's parents. Developing …