We'll start with the serious crap first: Iraqi soccer players don't like being used as propaganda tools by President Bush, John Kerry isn't scoring points with Helen Thomas after wimping out and saying that, yeah, he would have done the same thing Bush did with Iraq (but with more allies and better planning, of course), and the rest of the country is more preoccupied with Vietnam than Iraq. It turns out the Swift Boat Vets do have ties to the Bush campaign. How about that?

Everyone's favorite Ledge spinoff band, Earlimart, is back with a new CD, "Treble and Tremble," due out Sept. 28. Two tracks are available for streaming, while their music also has been featured amid all that cheating on "Six Feet Under" this season.

Meanwhile, to those of you who love the Olympics and "Alien vs. Predator," McSweeney's presents this handy chart of winners and losers.

For some reason, this also reminded us of a brilliant idea we once had, which bubbled to life after some friends rented "Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights": What if producers created a Cuban version of all of Patrick Swayze's movies? Herewith, the Top 5 Swayze movies that should be Cubanized:

5. "Road House: Havana Nights"
4. "Point Break: Havana Nights"
3. "Ghost: Havana Nights"
2. "Red Dawn: Havana Nights"
1. "To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Fidel Castro"