1. Just when you thought you had your fill of hidden or false documents, it now appears that Dan Rather has signed on as executive editor of Us Weekly. His shocking wedding expose is here. BUT, dear readers, Fresyes has discovered that the cheese puff fingerprints on the pre-nup paperwork do not match those of one Britney Spears. We smell conspira… ehhhh, who gives a shit.

2. Well, well, well … Look who came crawling back to the United Nations. The news that abusive ex-boyfriend George Bush is now begging the world for help with Iraq may have been overshadowed in recent days by "What's the Frequency, Kenneth," so we thought we'd point it out. In truth, we probably wouldn't have noticed either, except there was a line of trucks and taxis clogging Third Avenue leading up to the United Nations yesterday. (Fun time-waster: Predict which vehicle has the dirty bomb!) Meantime, we'll just wait and see if Bush's arrogant, vague banalities about "spreading freedom" cause the world to hand over lots of money and troops.

3. Trouble … Oh, trouble please be kind. To mourn Cat Stevens's deportation from the United States, download Kristin Hersh's cover of Cat's "Harold & Maude" classic, "Trouble." (Much love to Copy, Right.) UPDATE: We just realized this bootleg is really crappy, but Beestung has plenty more where that came from.