1. Just when crime rates hit a 30-year low, the government decides to celebrate by bending over for the NRA. The federal assault weapons ban officially lapsed today, and the list of now-legalized semi-automatic weapons reads like a rundown of guest rappers on the new 213 album: TEC-9, Uzi, modified MAC-10s and Street Sweepers are among the weapons that hunters can expect to find in their local Wal-Mart this Christmas. I myself prefer to shoot skeet with an AK, sucka.

2. This weekend's award for rapid backpedaling goes to Fresno Bee columnist John Branch, who opened the season with a bizarre rant criticizing Pat Hill because the Bulldogs coach wanted his team to actually win every game this season. How dare he. "In a more practical sense," Branch wrote, "the BCS-or-bust mantra sucks the fun out of the fall once the first loss comes, which it does in all but the rarest of seasons." But now that the Dogs have kicked Kansas State's ass and scored a No. 19 ranking, Branch is back on the bandwagon. Welcome back, Johnny boy. Like Steve Perry says, "Don't stop believin'… until Portland State scores an upset."

3. Question of the day: Is it really a gift if you receive a Pontiac?

4. Denise Richards is appearing nude in Playboy, thanks to some sober encouragement from her husband, the "Ma-Sheen." Maybe we'll even watch "Two and Half Men" to congratulate him.

5. Obligatory Earlimart news: They've been picked as a "Band to Watch" by Rolling Stone. Aaron Espinoza tells the mag that their new disc, "Treble and Tremble," was affected heavily by the death of Elliott Smith, who recorded at their Ship studios in Eagle Rock. "Most of the record is about Elliott Smith," Espinoza says. "I lived about 10 feet from his house. He needed someone around to remind .him that 'Hey, it's OK.' He was incredibly intelligent, really kind and a genius musically."

6. We've added a couple permalinks, most notably a Santa Barbarian by way of Fresno, and the magnificent design whizzes at Think Inkless.