Well, it's official: We here at Fresyes are sellouts. The Bee has a story today on Fresyes mania sweeping the nation.

Oh, and if you're looking for the thongs and unironic trucker hats, they're right here.

A sad time indeed for the No. 6 city that rocks. Fresno recently lost one of the only musicians who lent credibility to that amazingly inappropriate title. Trumpet virtuoso Paul Shaghoian passed away at 45. Paul was a madman on the horn and shared the stage with The Temptations, the Four Tops, Kenny Rogers, and about every (living) jazz great who's last name isn't G. There's something to be said about a memorial service that contains a 60-piece brass choir. Ciao Paul.

His memorial concert is tonight.

On a lighter note folks … Remember that divorce can be funny, and even YOU can be an eBay celebrity.

Also, WE'VE BEEN ROBBED!! No, no, I'm not referring to anyone living South of Shaw ... but everyone living south of Sacramento. Recently the American Lung Association released its power rankings of the most dangerously polluted communities in the country. All I have to say is that first the Kings will beat the Lakers on the hardwood, then we'll make it a sweep by being #1 for shitty air in 2005.

Let's get together sometime and share a respirator,

559 por Vida

(Editor's note: 559 por Vida is back. The opinions expressed about the Lakers are his alone.)

Remember those episodes of "Happy Days" when the Fonz had to do the unthinkable and admit he was actually wrong -- and then it took a good 10 minutes for the word "sorry" to slide out of his mouth? Well, let's just say I'm expecting President Bush to strap on a leather jacket and some waterskis and throw us a big "Aaaaayyyyyy" tomorrow, because that little weasel FINALLY said the "s" word today for those who were subjected to horrendous abuse in Iraqi prisons -- something the higher-ups have actually known about for months now:

A day after he stopped short of apologizing, Bush told Jordan's King Abdullah II: "I was sorry for the humiliation suffered by the Iraqi prisoners and the humiliation suffered by their families.

"I told him I was as equally sorry that people seeing those pictures didn't understand the true nature and heart of America," Bush said, standing in the Rose Garden alongside Abdullah.

Let's move on...

1. Coolfer tells us that Lollapalooza is coming to New York on a Tuesday and Wednesday, which has gotta be the most retahhhhded idea ever imagined. (Not that I want to brave the dustbowl that is Randall's Island, anyway.) In much better shape is the 'No, where you've got Dave F***ing Chappelle, Simon & Garfunkel and the Crusty Demons Global Assault Tour all on their way. This, right after Pretty Girls Make Graves and Seachange just trotted into town.

Call me mainstream trash, but I've already purchased tix for Van Hagar and the Ben Folds/Rufus/Guster triple threat at Central Park Summerstage. Bring it.

2. "What makes an assassin, Lt. Drebin?" Give it up for Ricardo Montalban, who is opening his own theater. As my co-worker noted: "All the seats will be made of fine Corinthian leather."

They've become a part of our lives … if by "part of our lives" you mean "I have flipped past Channel 4 and Matt LeBlanc's melon head on the way to watch 'Survivor.' " Part of our lives it shall be, then.

We just spent 20 minutes speaking to a Fresno Bee reporter, which led us to wonder, "Hey Governor, you lazy chump, isn't it about time you updated Fresyes before it's removed from every hot permalink out there?" Why yes, it is.

Let's recap the week:

1. Fresno Famous once again beats us to the punch by getting nostalgic on the Vagabond Motel pool. Turns out the historic skate park is going to be a casualty of "downtown revitalization." That also means all you out-of-towners will just have to head to Visalia to get your shred on. (Meantime, there's always "Ken Park," the creepy movie by "Kids" director Larry Clark about skater kids in the South Valley.)

Also check out Famous's new super-hott blog.

2. Correspondent (and former Fresnan) Angel just reported back from South by Southwest (that was some hangover, buddy… it's only been eight months) and he reports that the "Next Big Thing" is in fact Supagroup, a rock 'n' roll band out of New Orleans. (By the way, you missed Jazz Fest, which would've been a touch more humid than Coachella.) Funny thing about Supagroup, last time they played in New York (at Plaid) they managed to get the entire crowd to simultaneously consume shots on command. This must be America's answer to The Darkness.

3. F.O.F. (Friend of Fresyes) Matt wrote this hilarious diatribe today on ESPN.com's Page 3: Go away, L.A. Faker Fans. "Jack is part of the problem, not the solution. If Jack were David Hasselhoff, maybe being a Laker fan wouldn't be so damn cool."

4. Insta-Tearjerker Recipe, care of "The O.C." season finale: Pan slowly across faces of sad people, add Jeff Buckley's "Hallelujah." Throw in some MSG for good measure.

5. Ashley Olsen is now single. We don't really have anything to say about that, we swear.