Ahhhhhh, but wait! We smell a flashback episode of Fresyes: Remember back in March, when we revealed its sheltered, non-linked existence? At the time, there were fewer than 12 postings on the site. Now, there are more than 130 ... and like any good craigslist, it's already overrun by ignorant assholes! (We thought it would take longer.)
From the makers of the hilarious Emo Game and Emo Game 2, here comes the Bush Game. Starring Voltron, Mr. T, Hulk Hogan and a fat version of He-Man. Now if only Dick Cheney could emote like Chris Carrabba of Dashboard Confessional... (Not safe for work.)
Michael Moore: True left-wing patriot, or Bush-baiting gasbag? Who cares! He mentions Fresno in his new movie! That means automatic gold stars from Fresyes.
Per Time's review: "Fahrenheit 9/11 shows some tragicomic effects of the Patriot Act: a man quizzed by the FBI for casually mentioning at his health club that he thought Bush was an 'asshole'; a benign peace group in Fresno, Calif., infiltrated by an undercover police agent. ..."
We loved his past movies, even if the guy himself is insufferable. (I mean, dude... picking on Dick Clark?? Why not just set up a tripwire outside a senior center?) But this time, Roger Ebert says Moore lays off the "muckraking wiseass" schtick to let the stories of Bush, his Saudi family connections, 9/11 and Iraq speak for themselves. Jeffrey Wells also admits to crying after the screening in Cannes.
Other news:
1. Another day, another list: Our Modesto correspondent Katy writes in to "brag" that her hometown fared worse than Fresno on the list of the most horrible places to find work. Sad days indeed for the Bermuda Triangle of California.
3. While Britney Spears is running off the stage in Germany, Bruce Springsteen is prepping to take the stage outside the Republican Convention in New York. If rumors are true, this oughta come close to matching Rage Against the Machine, Democratic Convention, Los Angeles, 2000. Hell yes.
Nick Ryan. What happened, brutha? The former ABC 30 newsguy turned KMPH radio personality was arrested at Woodward Park on three counts of suspected lewd and lascivious acts with children younger than 14.
Cops say Ryan "approached three boys, ages 10 and 11, in the park and showed them pictures of nude adults and children that he had stored on a small digital camera; he then attempted to get the boys to go into the bushes with him."
Even more disturbing, police already had their eye on Ryan after a complaint two months ago that he exposed himself to three other boys at a Woodward Park restroom. (To steal Chris Rock's Michael Jackson joke, "We like Nick Ryan so much, we let the first kid slide.")
It's times like these you think: Angelo Stalis, we can still count on you, buddy.
Principal Belding: "I just fired the music teacher. Let's drink."
Thanks to everyone who has submitted suggestions for the Fresyes Schwag Charity Drive. There have been plenty of good suggestions (keep sending 'em), but the overwhelming majority seem to favor giving money to help an elementary school music program.
The only minor problem, of course, is it's gonna take a lot more than $500 in thong revenue to counter the misguided decision at Fresno Unified to cut all elementary school music programs. Just means we'll have to get creative. So keep buying that Fresyes merch, and maybe we can help some kid rage against the machine.
In a related story, it turns out Fresyes fans aren't the only ones rockin' thong underwear these days. Drudge Report deems it fit today to report that the liberal radio network Air America is selling its own brand of butt-flossers.
And speaking of "dirty Democrats," Drudge also leads today with a story about John Kerry's daughter's see-through dress at Cannes. (Hey Drudge, quick news flash: A lot of women don't realize their black dresses are see-through until the flash-bulbs hit it and it's too late.) Leave it to Britain's Rupert Murdoch-owned Sun tabloid to keep things in perspective: "Film director Alexandra, 30, showed at least two reasons why Americans should vote her dad into the White House in November."
(Ed. Note: Our seasoned correspondent gets musical on yo asses this week)
Just when you thought that the recording industry had exhausted any and all creative marketing in lieu of suing 13-year-olds in Branson, Mo., enter Wilco. The Chicago based alt-country visionaries fronted by Jeff Tweedy have a new record slated for release on June 22 ... However, thanks to the miracle of digital piracy, the album has been leaked and available on the web for a little over a month now. In response, Wilco has endorsed a charity campaign whereby guilty downloaders can donate to Doctors Without Borders in exchange for the record. Hey, wait ... aren't they supposed to sue downloaders? Well done, gents. Meantime, they're appearing on an utterly delicious lineup at Bonnaroo on June 11.
And still more music: this is a Fresyes exclusive. This girl rocks as hard (if not harder) than anyone out there. Elan. Album due in the states soon. Look her up.
Fresyes is a web collective whose current interests include (but are not limited to) rock music, the central valley, new york city, chipotle burritos, "granny gridlock" and people who hamper the flow of pedestrian traffic.
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Michael Moore: True left-wing patriot, or Bush-baiting gasbag? Who cares! He mentions Fresno in his new movie! That means automatic gold stars from Fresyes.
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