You Got Served: Sources tell Fresyes that Britney Spears's white knight attended Bullard High School for two years and dropped out after his sophomore year. He also allegedly "was cofounder of a thuggy street gang known as 'The G-Boys.'" (Their words, not ours. Please don't kill us.) The gang's origins apparently go back to Tenaya Middle School.

No doubt they could probably outdance the Sharks and Jets: A poster on Fresno's livejournal also claims that Federline was an active member of Dance Empowerment, a group located on Ashlan and West.

No yearbook photo as of yet, but we'll keep you posted. (UPDATE! Our homegirl Fresno Famous just located a photo and admitted to having a dirrrty crush on him in high school.)

Through all of this, we can't stop thinking about the hilarious "You Got Served" episode of "South Park."

Fresyes was mildly intrigued by rumors that Scott Peterson's mistress, Amber Frey, spent a year at our alma mater, Hoover High -- but now some dude is telling us that Britney Spears's fiancé, Kevin Federline, went to rival Bullard.

Given Federline's carefully sculpted facial hair, this would make perfect sense. But we have absolutely no proof -- so we're offering a free Fresyes trucker hat to anyone can cough up a jpeg of his yearbook photo. Bring it.

Meantime, Britney is wallowing in the lovefest, posing with Kev and her dog on the cover of People and declaring: "I kissed a bunch of frogs and finally found my prince. I feel like I've found my happily ever after."

Here's what else is crackin':

1. The Governor is Fresward bound and will be stopping through town next week. On the agenda: eating In-N-Out burgers, going to see if "The Caves" still exist and meeting with Brian Calhoun to try to sell him this domain for $1 million. Meantime, all the cool bloggers are stopping through the Valley: Amy Langfield is currently posting from Bakersfield, and in case you shredders didn't realize it, Bakersfield is "The New Fresno." (via Chrissy Fessler)

2. Fahrenheit 9/11: As you already know, it's infuriating, depressing and riveting, no matter what your beliefs about Dumbya. And aside from the cookie-baking Fresno peaceniks targeted by the Patriot Act, the most compelling footage is from Iraq.

3. Van Halen rocked New Jersey: The Daily News hated it, my friends thought Sam Halen "played too much new shit" (three songs being "too much") and I couldn't hear very well after "Unchained" bounced off the cement walls of the Continental Airlines Arena a few hundred times. Eddie and his son Wolfgang (a cherubic Jack Osbourne doppelganger) shredded on "316" together, and just as Michael Anthony shouted "Somebody Get Me a Doctor!" David Lee Roth drove up in an ambulance. Worth every penny.

4. New York Times correction of the week: "An account in the Soccer Report column on June 22 about Ethan Zohn, a former player in Zimbabwe who won $1 million on the CBS reality show "Survivor: Africa" in 2002 and has capitalized on his moment of fame by starting an international nonprofit AIDS awareness foundation on the continent, misstated a word in a comment he made. Mr. Zohn said, "We can make value judgments all we want, but through some cultural differences it has been all right for men in Africa to have multiple sex partners" -- not "all right for me." (via TMFTML)

Oh, and Happy Birthday, U.S.A. Don't go screwing up any other countries while we're away.