1. Who says company loyalty is dead? Viacom CEO Sumner Redstone, a self-described "liberal democrat," boldly dismisses his own personal conscience and endorses Bush for president, saying, "I look at the election from what's good for Viacom. I vote for what's good for Viacom."

Kerry supporters couldn't ask for a better endorsement, especially after Redstone spouted this gem: "I don't want to denigrate Kerry," he went on, "but from a Viacom standpoint, the election of a Republican administration is a better deal. Because the Republican administration has stood for many things we believe in, deregulation and so on. The Democrats are not bad people. ... But from a Viacom standpoint, we believe the election of a Republican administration is better for our company."

This reminds us of recent comments by one of our unnamed friends, whose company (which shall also go unnamed) clearly benefits from a Republican administration. "Sad to say, but I'm voting with my wallet," the unnamed person admitted.

So, in the spirit of selling off your vote to please your employer, we here at Fresyes would like to formally endorse Britney Spears for president. (Yes, the First Husband allegedly had his "young and irresponsible" days, but we know voters don't mind.)

2. Explained: Why Rilo Kiley left Saddle Creek Records. (via Coolfer)

3. Sometimes we get jealous of Fresno Famous because they hired the 1960s-era Goldie Hawn to pose on their website. Then again, sometimes we're glad we didn't.

We keed. We keed. We've officially added Unspun to our list of permalinks, provided he promises not to verbally undress us.

1. We don't own this yet, but the press is throwing big piles of love on Walking Concert, the new band from Walter Schreifels, he of Quicksand/Gorilla Biscuits/Rival Schools fame. Meanwhile, J. Robbins (he of Jawbox/Burning Airlines) also is back with another spinoff, Channels, which got some critical brown-nosing from Ben Gibbard in this weekend's NY Times.

2. Following up on news first revealed to Fresyes back in March, Fresno Famous interviews a Taco Bell employee at First & Nees for his thoughts on the latest album by San Francisco indie-pop band Citizens Here & Abroad -- whose frontwoman, Adrienne Robillard, went to Hoover High and once worked at that same Taco Bell.

So what does "Jerry" think of the disc? "Whoa. It's kinda like the Vines when they really play heavy."

That's good, Jerry, but a better answer would have been: "This band's melodies are layered, complex and satisfying -- much like our Nachos BellGrande."

3. It's about time service journalism started showing up on blogs: How to avoid getting raped in jail. (via the incomparable Tony Pierce)

4. I preferred the Terry Gross vs. Gene Simmons smackdown, but then again, you can really feel the sexual tension between the NPR babe and Bill O'Reilly.

1. Just when you thought you had your fill of hidden or false documents, it now appears that Dan Rather has signed on as executive editor of Us Weekly. His shocking wedding expose is here. BUT, dear readers, Fresyes has discovered that the cheese puff fingerprints on the pre-nup paperwork do not match those of one Britney Spears. We smell conspira… ehhhh, who gives a shit.

2. Well, well, well … Look who came crawling back to the United Nations. The news that abusive ex-boyfriend George Bush is now begging the world for help with Iraq may have been overshadowed in recent days by "What's the Frequency, Kenneth," so we thought we'd point it out. In truth, we probably wouldn't have noticed either, except there was a line of trucks and taxis clogging Third Avenue leading up to the United Nations yesterday. (Fun time-waster: Predict which vehicle has the dirty bomb!) Meantime, we'll just wait and see if Bush's arrogant, vague banalities about "spreading freedom" cause the world to hand over lots of money and troops.

3. Trouble … Oh, trouble please be kind. To mourn Cat Stevens's deportation from the United States, download Kristin Hersh's cover of Cat's "Harold & Maude" classic, "Trouble." (Much love to Copy, Right.) UPDATE: We just realized this bootleg is really crappy, but Beestung has plenty more where that came from.

1. When I heard that the Governor was making an appearance in Fresno, I thought for sure there was another bingo night planned, but it turns out they were talking about the other Governor. Dang. "... Gov. Schwarzenegger, the keynote speaker, came through the back and was never seen in public."

(Ed. note: We don't like to make fun of our governor that much. Not because we like his politics, but because of that scene in "Pumping Iron" when he's smoking a joint and wearing the shirt that says "ARNOLD ES NUMERO UNO." We should all hope to have that much cool.)

2. In a brilliant display of capitalist fortitude, Russian assult-weaponeers Kalashnakov have expanded their Fall line to meet consumer demand. The designers most famous for their uber-sexy AK-47 have decided that the strength of the Kalashnakov brand is far too valuable to be wasted on weapons alone. Lt. Gen. Mikhail Kalashnikov, who invented the AK-47 after being shot by German soldiers during World War II, said Monday he wanted to continue "the good name" of his gun. "I've always wanted to improve and expand on the good name of my weapon by doing good things," he told Reuters Television. "So we decided to create a vodka under my name. And we wanted that vodka to be better than anything made, up until now, in both Russia and England."

I have no idea what a punchline might be for this story. It's so ridiculous that it's un-punchlineable.

3. Six weeks out from the election and it's poll-itics as usual. Turns out we're not the only ones skeptical about the constant barrage of bullshit poll information. As Newsday columnist Jimmy Breslin points out, "Anybody who believes these national political polls are giving you facts is a gullible fool." His argument? Apparently pollsters have chosen to ignore the 169 million cell phones that exist in this country. Well, the Guv and I conducted a scientific poll of our own after hearing this story and here are the results (margin of error +/- zero):

-Percentage of likely voters polled who use a cell phone: 100%
-Percentage of likely voters polled who use a land line: 0%
-Percentage who had a land line in 2000, but have since replaced it with a cell phone: 100%

4. Although bred for its powers in magic, the liger has been known to use that magic for evil. Learn how to protect yourself.

5. Finally, you've probably already seen this site, but it's so flippin sweet that we thought you'd like to be linked to it ... now. Ninjas vs. Pirates ... discuss.

Congrats to the happy couple. Guess this means our local paparazzi don't have to stake out Grand Occasions anymore. (Photo ganked from Stereogum.)

Also, a quick note to the jackasses at Star magazine: There is no Journey song called "City by the Bay." We presume you mean Britney and Kevin danced to "Lights" -- but either way, it's nice to know Steve Perry was there in spirit.