What do Tom DeLay and Toledo all have in common? Why, they're the big Fresyes Losers of the Day! Fresno State pummeled the University of Toledo last night in front of a national audience watching on "The Ocho." Our resident sports columnist, Dr. Optimist, argues that the Bulldogs, with their 44-14 victory over the unbeaten Rockets, "showed why they should be ranked in the Top 25." I say, Why bother? The moment we get back in, we're going to choke anyway. So better to leave us off the list for the time being. And yes, I'm a grumpy jerk.

While I'm at it, one more thing, Fresno State: Can you cut out that damn siren noise every time we score a touchdown? It looks bad enough that our crowd is full of fat old boosters who just waddled in from their tailgate parties. Would it kill you to hand out a few more free student tickets? Criminy.

The big Fresyes Winners of the Day? Residents who enjoy things such as "infrastructure" and "public safety." The city sacked up and unanimously approved a hike in developer fees. Per the Bee's report, the park fees could raise as much as $110 million over the next 20 years, not to mention another $245 million for police and fire.