Yes, this is Drudge Report breaking news: Members of several high school wrestling teams in Oregon have contracted herpes after a tournament in -- that's right -- Clovis. (Actually, the Ashland, Ore., newspaper says it was in Fresno, but why do we cityfolk always have to get the creepy press?)

"We think the kids picked it up at the Clovis tournament (in Fresno)," Crater High School athletic director John Beck told the paper, effectively ruining his players' plans for prom night. "But they didn't have any symptoms. Then they went to Reno and that's when we knew we might have some problems." That's what they all say when they come back from Reno.

One item worth noting: Ashland Daily Tidings reporter Don Hunt wants to make it very clear his knowledge of herpes came from "the Herpes.com website."

(UPDATE: The Fresno Bee quotes officials from the Clovis West Canker Classic… er, Shootout, denying that their tournament spawned this herpes pandemic. Clovis West assistant Travis Mills insists that none of his players are herpin' out, and he says the tournament has been "unjustly accused" by those Oregon wrestlers -- who, we once again feel compelled to remind you, spent time in Reno.

Buchanan assistant Chris Morales defended the tournament, saying, "I know that Clovis Unified maintenance crews do a great job of wiping and mopping all district mats." No word on whether they doubled up their cleanup efforts following the 10th Annual Adult Video Star Decathlon last November… God, the jokes keep on comin'!)

1. For all of you cubicle jockeys, some new required reading: Overheard in the Office. From the people who brought you Overheard in New York. Their official first entry:

Boss: From now on, people, we're going to make Perfection our baseline.

The development team laughs.

Developer: Dude, whatever the f--k you've been reading, stop it.

2. Some much-deserved props for prolific Fresno Famous editor Jarah Euston, in the form of this FresnoBee.com Q&A. Some interesting tidbits, but the most important lesson here is: Keep talking smack about your local newspaper, and eventually they'll interview you.

3. 99 Problems vs. 99 Luft Balloons. This mash-up was long overdue. And amazingly enough, the damn thing works! (via Thighs Wide Shut)

4. The Black Crowes are reuniting for five nights in New York. I'd rather see the Robinson Bros. reunite with Jimmy Page, but I guess this beats New Earth Mud.

5. Brad & Jen Quote of the Day (aka "Great Moments in Celebrity Journalism"): "For a celebrity weekly, this is our tsunami," said Kent Brownridge, general manager of Us Weekly parent company Wenner Media. "I can't think of anything bigger than the king and queen of Hollywood breaking up."

1. Return all your Christmas gifts and buy these.

2. The new iPod Shuffle is out. Kind of neat … I guess. It's yet another cosmetic change while the rest of the world waits patiently for an iPod/Satellite radio combo. Or better yet, the brand new Apple iProduct.

3. Dramarama may have been a New Jersey band, but it's usually only L.A. people who recognize "Anything Anything" when I start humming it. Too bad, 'cause it's one of the most underrated rock songs of all time. I once worked with "Mr. E," and it's beautiful to see them rocking again.

4. If Kevin Federline launches a rap career, it is imperative -- no, make that MANDATORY -- that he cover Fugi's grammatically gangsta classic, "Sity of Fresno." If not, we will accept a collaboration with Timmy T. (via Fresno Famous.)

5. I wouldn't say we're obsessed with the Gary Webb story, but here's the last word on it, an enlightening piece from Esquire. And for your archives, here's his original "Dark Alliance" series for the Mercury News.