Apologies for missing this during my "time away," but a belated adios to Mr. Fresno, Al Radka, who died March 9 at age 80. I vaguely recall appearing on Radka's "Funtime" TV show with my brother when we were little, and he was the genius behind Fresno television commercials for Oberti Olives, Lamoures cleaners (the dancing clothes, of course) and Producers dairy.

Last year, Fresyes named him our favorite TV pitchman, easily beating out OttmarThomasofToyotaVisalia, Bucky Harris and Dan Gamel. So long, and thanks for all the Hot Stove Dinners, Al.

In more pressing U.S. news, following the horribly sad developments in the Terri Schiavo case, all of you best make like Bryan and Sarah and blog your own living wills. Theirs, however, is tough to beat: "First, take a picture of my lifeless body with a naked Dallas Cowboy cheerleader and give it to the media outlets so they have something quality to flash on CNN when my right to die becomes an honest-to-goodness Federal Case."

As for me, should I achieve vegetative state prematurely, please remove the feeding tube, place Oberti olives on my fingers and take me on one last Caribbean vacation, "Weekend at Bernie's"-style. You can post the photos on Fresyes. Ask 559 for the Blogger password.

If there is any question about my vegetative state, I will morse code a signal to you, probably "S.O.S." like the guy in Metallica's "One" video.

There, that should stand up in appeals court.