1. In a display of credit-card dexterity that would be downright impressive if it weren't, you know, taxpayer money, Mayor Alan Autry "expensed 422 business meals in 11 months last year," for a grand total of $21,000, according to a weekend report in the Bee about Bubba's eating and luxury-hotel habits.

"Autry's philosophy on meals is that if he's at work and hungry, the taxpayer should buy him a meal. He maintains that, as mayor, he is always on city business: 'When am I not mayor? When am I not taking phone calls on city business? Never.'"

If that's not enough, Autry once spent $110 on items from a HOTEL HONOR BAR, which, next to pay-per-view Skinemax movies, is the ultimate in-room rip-off.

Note to Mayor Autry: Those goodies in your hotel refrigerator aren't free. That bottle of $7 water? You can probably get it somewhere else for $1. In fact, The only time I've ever seen a person blow that much cash on soda or Snicker bars from a hotel room was a.) during a bachelor party, b.) when they were drunk, and c.) when they were in someone else's room.

At the next mayoral convention, be smarter: Steal your food and beverages from Gavin Newsom's room.

2. And now, your horoscope for the day, by Kevin Federline

3. In a bit of New York news, Trader Joe's may be finally coming to Manhattan. Buried in Sunday's NYT is the revelation that the home of Two-Buck Chuck is close to signing a lease for a new development on 14th Street and Third Avenue. Now all we need is an In-N-Out.

4. Finally, sad news: A fond farewell to San Luis Obispo New-Times founder and muckraker Steve Moss, who died Sunday at age 56, apparently of natural causes. I met Moss only a couple times, but he and his patented Shredder taught us valuable lessons about stirring things up, being passionate about your community and questioning authority. SLO won't be the same without him.

*Fresyes, now with amateurish Photoshop editorializing!

Attention Catholics: Habemus Papam! And the new Holy Father is … John Ratzenberger, best known to TV viewers as Cliff Clavin from "Cheers." It's a bold move for the Church, passing over so many qualified cardinals to bet on a charismatic Hollywood character actor.

And we thought Tinseltown's strongest candidate was Mel Gibson!!! Boy, were we wrong!!

Actually, Pink Is the New Blog picked this little souvenir up. Glad to see Tenaya Middle School is finally in the national media spotlight. Here's another one:

Congrats to Ms. Spears and Mr. Federline on their forthcoming little bundle of Valley Pride.

1. Good times were had Wednesday night in the East Village, where we joined up with Fresno Famous for the Great Central Valley Media Empire Happy Hour. (Conspicuously missing from the festivities: Stefani Booroojian and the Ghost of Al Radka.) We'd like to wish the editrix and her posse (assistant sports editor, Malcolm Sosa, Abby Blackstone… Lindsay Lohan) a belated happy first birthday. Exactly one year ago, the relaunched Fresyes stumbled upon Famous, which was just a week old at the time. Time flies when you're singlehandedly reviving downtown Fresno. Keep rockin -- and save me one of those nifty rooftop loft apartments.

2. Here's the latest offering from Gawker media mogul Nick Denton: Sploid, which went live today, is supposed to be a direct competitor to Drudge Report, but with fewer sirens and right-wing butt-kissing. On first glance? It's a slow-loading site, a horrible design, and it can't match Drudge when it comes to quick headline checks. I say Boo-roojian to this one. (via Jeff Jarvis)

3. It's finally spring in New York, and we're outta here for a few days. Get a tan, already.

Who says Fresno State academics never get recognition? Don't tell that to "Dr. Warren Fingeroot," the (white) professor of African-American Studies at Fresno State, who figures prominently in this hilarious short documentary on "The Old Negro Space Program." The film ("not by Ken Burns") presents the "shocking but false story of America's blackstronauts."

(via panopticist)

The age-old question: Can Fresno pull off a simple autograph-signing without making national news?

The answer: No.

Grammy winner-turned-Fresno retail pitchman Kanye West had to cancel an appearance at the new FTK store in Fresno over the weekend after a fight broke out, forcing security to disperse a crowd of 1,000. The story got picked up by AP, MTV, the New York Post, the BBC etc. etc.

The Bee's report says that the brawl erupted after a pushy man began mouthing off to a security guard. According to witnesses, "several guards began 'talking trash' to the man, who said he was a cage fighter."

The man was not identified, but we only know one aspiring cage fighter. Draw your own conclusions.